What do you deal with ?

[Plus Size Crazy]

Having BPD, GAD, SAD and PTSD means I deal with a lot...

I no longer know what "normal" is ... I'm emotionally drained and yet have to be strong to hide from people that I have these issues.. I can seem to be normal for 8 to 10 hours if needs be but all that time my stress level is building up and I'm getting more and more down because of the stress.

So often I feel all alone on the world .. as if I am invisble and no one sees me .. I try to reach out but I just cant connect to anyone .. I feel nothing ... But yet I cry when people die, I cry when people help each other in times of real stress .. So I can feel things .. I can understand what others are feeling and thinking .. yet I still can not connect to people in anyway that would form true friendships ..

I do try but its like I cant keep any connection going for long..

I would really love to have friends that I can go out with, friends who can come over for a cup of tea or coffee and a chat ..

But because I dont connect well, thats kind of impossible, because sometimes I can only handle 30 minutes sometimes 3 hours is fine, but because of having days where I'm so down that i dont want to dealw ith anything, I can go days, or weeks without wanting to have contact with anyone but my husband ..

I wish I could go back to the age of 12 and start all over again but know what I know now so that maybe I can stop myself from being in the situations that helps to cause my issues in teh first place .. even if I still ended up with some, maybe they wouldnt be as bad as they are if some of the things in my life never happened ..

[depressed]

I deal with deep depressions and also sometimes feel that I am alone in the world.

[christie]

Right now I'm pretty stable, but i used to have major depression that lasted quite a few years. When it was really bad i also had small bouts of paranoia as well. Its also possible I am slightly OCD, but its nothing major so i haven't really been to see anyone about it.

[Plus Size Crazy]

I do have a lot of ups and downs sometimes, which can be hard to deal with, because one minute I can be feeling really down and 10 minutes later I can be really up, 10 - 15 minutes later I can be down again, then up again, then down again before becoming stable.

Sometimes when I am really really down.. in what I call my glass pit .. it can take me hours to get out of it, sometimes it can take over 24 hours before I can feel anything close to stable.

[christie]

Its a good thing that you can pull yourself out of those very dark moods.
I would stay in them for weeks at a time before having maybe one or 2 better days then back to the bad again. It certainly takes a lot of energy to deal with.

[Plus Size Crazy]

I dont think I could deal with staying down for 2 weeks at a time...

But I do understand the draining effect...

Thats what its like in my pit .. I'm just so completely drained from trying to get out of it, that I sleep for 12 hours or so afterwards...

Its why I call it my glass pit because its like trying to climb out of a pit made of glass and takes so much energy to do that.

Just last week on September 8th, I was so down and so drained from pulling myself out that my hubby thought I was overly tired when we were sitting on the couch as he said I looked like I couldnt keep my head up or my eyes open...

But I wasnt feeling physically tired I was just so drained of energy and once I was fairly stable I didnt look tired .. but that night I slept for 12 hours straight...

[christie]

Yeah i didnt deal with it very well myself. But i got through, had no choice really.

I totally understand your calling it a glass pit, so hard to climb the sides. But also you need to be careful not to break it either, when you break like that its not a good thing at all.